You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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