Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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