Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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