i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
