My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
