i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
