If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
