Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
