I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
