jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize