If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
