Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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