Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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