Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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