Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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