I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
