So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My ass is underappreciated
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
