I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
