you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize