Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
