I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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