Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I will die if light touches me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
