Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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