meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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