some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
