yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
