like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
