I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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