If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
