I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
