I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
