I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
