All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
