You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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