overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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