if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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