Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
