I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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