Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
