Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
