I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
