I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
