i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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