So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
