it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We talked him into tasing himself.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
