I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
