you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
A bitchslap is in order.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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