my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize