your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
