8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
