i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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