What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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