Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry my hands just texted you
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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