dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize