I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
