Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
