True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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