I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
