i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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