Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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