I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
