I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
