I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
