'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
