Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
