The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
