Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
